Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My dick has a subreddit
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
