I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
