Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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