I hate your face
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize