It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I understand Curling. That high.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i think i just lost a toe
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
