eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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