so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
