My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
