I'm really into asian looking animals
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
