I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
