Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize