yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
