There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
