If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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