We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
