Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
