I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
