She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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