I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
