Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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