Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Randomize
