I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
