She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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