i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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