she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The adults are the big ones right?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
