if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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