This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
