Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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