Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
