Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
where does the pee come out of this thing
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
