We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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