rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
