Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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