I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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