There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
