I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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