i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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