She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
my god I love twenty year old dicks
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
