Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
