not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
