Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
