If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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