You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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