walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
