On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
