I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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