She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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