Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
