She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
