you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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