$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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