Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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