I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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