i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
thus making me awesome and them whores
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
