is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
