So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
