if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
