it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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