how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize