I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
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