dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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