I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize