if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I have tasted many bathrooms
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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