Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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