how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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