She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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