M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
