Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My penis needs a shock collar
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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