You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
