the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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