i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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