Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
