I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
