They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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