She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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