It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize