i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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